Was very busy yesterday thinking about stuff. My life, my cg, everything. [slept at 5 eventually] I have no idea why I'm feeling so empty lately. No, I don't mean my spiritual life. I mean in the other aspects of my personal life. People I love just take pleasure to disappoint me. They take pleasure in looking at my crestfallen face when they have disappointed me. I don't understand why must they do so. I'm so sick and tired of dealing with disappointments in my life right now.

Just came back from service 4. And my mum is not giving me a single moment of peace. I having a spilting headache now, courtesy of Mr Yong Bin. Thanks man, thanks. Ha. [Yong Bin, I've forgiven you already. Just don't hold high hopes of me ever going out with you and Shan Shun.]

Sometimes, I really wish I was back in N242. I know, I shouldn't look back at the past. But, I noticed, each time I'm down, Esther notices. And to top it all off, she's not from my cg. Not that I want attention, but the least anyone in my cg can do is to at least notice when I'm not acting right. E.g: Yesterday, I was extremely down. But I just acted along with Kezia, Joelynn, Daphne and all, laughed with them and went crazy. But on my way back with Esther and Merilyn, Esther asked me if I'm all right cause she noticed that I'm awfully quiet during the whole trip back. Ha. Unbelieveable. A person I only meet after service every saturday knows me better than the people I see everyweek at cg meetings and services. Ironical.

The worst way to die is swallowing pills. They have bloody no effect on me. Except to take down my immune system. [Reason why I fall sick so easily.] I really don't understand why each time I try to die, God saves me. I mean, I tried ways and means to commit sucide in the past but, each method never works. The only thing I never tried is jumping off a building cause I've fear of hights. Whatever. Anw, I've not been thinking of sucidial for a very long time already. So Kezia, u can heave a sigh of relief.

Tried. Just want to find eternal rest. But it's never within my reach.