I'm always waiting for unrealistic things. Coveting what I can't have. Ain't that what most of us want? Ha. I'm tired. Really tired. I want to just fall asleep for eternity. Lie down on the softest pillow and sleep my life away. That's the best present someone can give me now.

I know you won't read this. And the possibility of you coming across this is very rare. But still I want to say it. I know I'm a bitch. I'm worthless, useless, lower than dirt. But don't I matter to you? The blood ties, are they fake? Whatever. If it has to end like this, fine. I'll get through this. After all, this isn't the first time. Hope it's the last. Cause I don't want to go through such agony again. It hurts like hell. Like some knife through my heart. And each time you ignore me, you're pressing the blade deeper into my chest. Pain exploded in me the moment you left. The blood freely flows.

Hahas. I will never blog what I did last night. Or else, everyone will be dragging me to the shrink's office. I know I suffer from depression. Death never leaves my mind. Seeing blood is a pleasure now, not a phobia. The taste of blood on my tongue sends shivers through my body. Self-mutilation is not an escape, it's a pain reliever. Alcohol gives me liberty. Cigarettes are my source of escape. Honestly, if I'm not at Gramp's place for the night, I would have smoked away my secret stash of Marlboro menthol lights. Whoosh.

Thanks for the memories. I'll cherish them. Hopefully, you won't take things for granted like you used to. Loves.

drunken stupor / living in a dream

Labels: given up .